Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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