Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
