If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
