Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
