Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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