I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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