I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
