He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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