just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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