I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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