What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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