1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
