booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
