I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
