You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
