Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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