yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
