I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
