he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
