Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
