1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
