I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
