Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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