Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
