hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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