Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
