maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
