I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
