it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think i have two assholes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
