I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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