Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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