Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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