He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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