Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
