we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
