Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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