She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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