420 ftw
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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