You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
