Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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