Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize