Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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