p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize