38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
