I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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