I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
