i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
