I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
