It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
