Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
