i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
even my farts smell like vagina
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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