Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
