WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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