You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
