Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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