dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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