I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
