sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
