Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
