I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
