the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
two words...techno handjob
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
