this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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