Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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