Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
